If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
