I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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