You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
