I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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