I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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