Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
