That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
