oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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