If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
