the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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