I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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