Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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