I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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