i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
