glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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