someone threw a dead crab at me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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