I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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