I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
