New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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