airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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