i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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