Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
