Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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