3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
