Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
