The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
