Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
