She said her name was "party"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
