Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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