its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
