So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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