Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
