Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
