Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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