It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
