He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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