the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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