Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
