You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
