Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You're like the curious george of whores
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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