I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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