You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
