Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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