Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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