Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
