Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
