Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
