i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
