Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
