Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
