I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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