During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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