is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
