Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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