I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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