Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
