my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am spending my child support on dildos
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
