She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
