nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
