the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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