i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
