For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
