Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
