if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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